“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” -Oscar Wilde

I attended a conference in Cape Town last year where Sister Rehana Mohammed spoke. One of the concepts that stuck in my mind after her talk was a story from her younger days. Her grandmother told her when she was in her early teens to choose one of the wives of the Prophet (pbuh), learn everything about her and strive to become like her. Since then she has chosen many admirable sahaba to model for their different qualities (ideal mother, successful scholar etc). She related some amazing stories about the effects of following the principles that these sahaba lived by. From a young age she began choosing models that were worthy (and the good results are evident, she radiates with character and light), rather than floating through life picking up models like Paris Hilton or Barney from How I Met Your Mother indiscreetly. According to psychologists our brain waves when we watch TV or are indulging in ‘mindless’ entertainment are low alpha waves which are similar to those emited from the brain when in a deep sleep or when the mind is in a suggestive state (In an experiment in 1969, Herbert Krugman monitored a person through many trials and found that in less than one minute of television viewing, the person’s brainwaves switched from Beta waves– brainwaves associated with active, logical thought– to primarily Alpha waves. When the subject stopped watching television and began reading a magazine, the brainwaves reverted to Beta waves). So When we watch TV our discretion is usually left at the door and our subconscious mind picks up all sorts of subtle pervasive messages. We end up picking up models of behavior, desires and expectations of life accordingly. I am always amazed to see little 3-4 year olds who can mimick dances from music videos and want to dress just like Rihanna. Just how much MTV are these children watching and if these are the models they are growing up with how will they respect themselves as individuals rather than sex objects in the future? It is impossible to escape modeling (which is natural) or the myriad of influence that surround us. There is both good and bad in opening ourselves up to the models we are exposed to daily. Personally, I am against isolationism because I feel there is no real learning in it. The difference is learning to use discretion in what we expose ourselves to and learning to make wise choices about the level of influence we allow a medium or social pressure to have on us. In other words we need to make conscious choices about who we want to be and hold on to that model for dear life and we need to teach our children to do this as well. A bit like what Sister Rehana’s grandma did . You see, although we tell ourselves that we will teach our children how to do this as well as how to hold onto values and ethics we forget that in our world the models of behavior they are picking from everywhere around them can be far stronger than our own voices. Our behavior and teaching does not pose a stronger model for them because more often than not we choose the same models for behavior we are teaching them to avoid. We do not embody the models we are trying to teach them. We tell them how to be the model Muslim at home, in madressah in our Islamic children’s songs but we do not follow through. We do not make salah a regular feature in our daily lives or make them conscious of maintaining good values and ethics through our actions. How can we expect our children to have the wisdom and discretion to choose any different?

Name of the Day

Ad Daar
One who can cause loss

Allah is the Creator of the harmful and evil as He is creator of the good and beneficial. He has also taught us to opt for the good and escape the evil. He has given us the power of discrimination, given us a will and freedom to choose.

Point to ponder: This is part of the test of this world, we must choose the models we want to emulate, the Prophet (pbuh) and the rightly guided or those (fictional characters included) who have not been blessed with imaan and knowledge of the path to eternal happiness?

“The mark of a strong character lies not in doing what is fun to do or easy to do. The sign of deep moral authority appears in the individual who consistently does what he ought to be doing rather than what he feels like doing” Robin Sharma
Daily Task

Many of us assume that we are not influenced by people and media around us but we actually are. You may need to spend some time digging deep inside your mind. Write down the people or characters you have modeled as far back as you can remember and the reasons you have modeled them in your past. Consider these reasons and whether it would be beneficial to your spiritual growth to keep some of them or toss some of them. Perhaps you modeled someone because you admired their generosity … 

Now consult the hadeeth and documentation of the behavior of the Prophet (pbuh). You can do intensive research or minimum research by just reading a paragraph on his character. Write out a personal model based on what you have learnt about the Prophet (pbuh) and the models you have kept from your past that will assist in your spiritual growth. Now think about how you can truly acheive the core values that this model encompasses rather than blindly copying it and make an intention to try for the sake of Allah (swt) and ask for His help.  

“Thinking big thoughts alone will not build a business, pay your bills or make you into the person you know in your heart you can be.” Robin Sharma